Jazz and Emmet's SexEd
by DebussyToThis
Summary: An outtake from my version of 'Breaking Dawn'. Emmett and Jasper attempt to give some helpful man to man advice regarding Bella and Edward's sexual relationship. Hilarity ensues, naturally. Emmett is on top form...


**Okay lovely readers; here is a present from me to you: the conversation from my version of Breaking Dawn between Edward, Jazz and Emmett. I will ****try to make it as funny as I imagine it would be! Please read and review, the feeling I get from reading a good review is better than chocolate, I swear to God. I know my authors notes take up too much space, but I like speaking to you all…in a very detached way, and letting you know that I appreciate your support!**

**Jazz and Emmet Do Sex-Ed 101**

Alice had gone to see Bella, to pick her up and bring her to our house. I knew she wanted to talk about what happened the night beforeand I definitely did not. I grew up in a time when certain subjects were never discussed; and I knew that those were the type that Bella wanted to talk about.

I allowed my mind to drift back to the previous evening. I would never get used to her beauty; her shimmering hair, eyes that shone with emotion and her skin; so pale, flawless. And her blush…the most sexy thing I have ever seen in all my long years. Just thinking about what we had done the night before made me feel like I would be blushing if I could. The way she had rubbed herself against me, and her taste… I had to force myself not to think about it, I had turned into some kind of perverted teenage boy with a ridiculously high sex drive since meeting Bella. It seemed I spent the time I wasn't with Bella with my hands down my pants; I wasn't proud of it, but it was necessary to stop me going insane.

That made me think about what Bella had said; how she was so frustrated and didn't, or couldn't, relieve the tension she felt as I could. My poor, beautiful Bella, I wanted so much to be able to help her, to give in and give us both what we craved so desperately. When my tongue had entered her mouth for the first time, when I tasted her, I could not stop the images that flooded my mind of us together, pounding into her until she came. Ugh, there had to be something wrong with me; how could I think of pure, innocent Bella in such a way? She deserved so much more than I could give her. It was an unspoken fear of mine; a fear of my own inability to give her that kind of pleasure, or worse; if I hurt her. No, I could never allow myself to do that, to get so lost in a moment of absolute ecstasy that I put her life in danger.

A knock on my door roused me from my thoughts.

"What, Emmet?" I asked exasperatedly. I could hear his thoughts, but annoyingly, he had filled his mind with a nursery rhyme. Jasper was there too, singing the same song, but they were out of time with each other, which made it worse.

"_Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are…"_

"_Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle…"_

"Edward, can we come in?" Jasper asked. At least someone in my family had manners. Emmet was ridiculously unable to be even remotely polite.

"Yes." I said grudgingly. I stood up from the lotus position I had taken up on the floor and opened the door for them. My brothers knew better than to come into my room uninvited. I wondered what they wanted, and why they were blocking their thoughts from me in such an annoying manner.

"Yo, Eddie!" I rolled my eyes; Emmet was like some bad seventies throwback. He continued "Alice told us what happened with you and Bella the Hussy last night. Jazz and I here think that we should have a little chat with you. You know a few helpful hints and whatnot."

No, no way, this was not happening. Suddenly my nervous anger disappeared to be replaced by curiosity and calm and I glared at Jasper.

"I don't need any hints thank you very much." I still couldn't hear what they were thinking. Well I could, but it was still just irritating rhymes and songs. I hated it when they did that.

"Edward, we are only trying to help. Now sit down and shut up." Emmet Cullen: not one to beat around the bush.

Against my better judgement, and only because I could not be bothered arguing with them both, I did as he said and settled myself on the edge of the bed.

Emmet and Jasper stood opposite me, hands clasped in front of them in mock seriousness. Emmet was smirking and Jasper was making a good attempt at not breaking the illusion of their sincerity by keeping a straight face.

"Fine. Talk to me." I knew that if Jasper had not been calming me down, my brothers would have been chased from the state by now with me snapping at their heels.

"Look, Edward, we know that you and Bella aren't well, _active_. And we know that you are scared of hurting her, but we also wondered how much of it is just down to being…scared." Trust Jasper, he hit the nail right on the head.

I said nothing.

Emmet frowned. "That's not seriously it is it? Edward dude that is not going to happen! I think Bella would enjoy it even if you came in five seconds." I squirmed in my seat, this was so uncool. Oh no, I was spewing forth Emmet-isms.

Jasper was a bit more tactful; "You have two medical degrees, you know where everything is and what it does; you have nothing to worry about, seriously."

"Yeah, Eddie. I wasn't going to say anything, but I don't think that Rosie would mind too much if I told you a few of the things that she likes. You have to make sure she's really we-"

"EMMET!" Jasper exclaimed.

"What?!" He said innocently. "I'm only trying to help him. I'm being conscientious!"

"Conscientious my ass, Emmett. You're being mean. It's taking all my focus to stop Edward attacking you."

"It's fine, look guys. I know you're only trying to help. In your own, strange, little way. But this is waaay to embarrassing. I know what I'm doing. And anything I don't know, I'm pretty sure that Bella can help me learn. That's the part I'm, looking forward to the most actually."

My admission was greeted with enthusiastic woops and laughter. Emmet clapped a hand on my back and my brothers exited my room, leaving me sitting on my bed feeling slightly dazed. They had stopped blocking their thoughts from me.

_How can he wait so long? Bella's a fox. Maybe he's gay…_

"EMMET!"

**There you go, I hope you like, doing Edward is hard! Well, I'm sure doing him would be enjoyable, but that's not really the point now is it? Get your minds out of the gutter! R R!**


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